were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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