Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
