I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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