college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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