i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
