I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
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sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
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There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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