Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
