man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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