So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
