I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
