A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
