3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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