Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
