Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
