I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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