Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
