I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
