I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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