I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
