I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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