Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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