she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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