Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I am midnight drunk by noon
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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