You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
