You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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