Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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