nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I'm really busy with my period
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