she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
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Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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