Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
