Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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