What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
