she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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