he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
