its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
