the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
