then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
