I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There r osticjed everywhere
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
