I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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