There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
