first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
