I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
