Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
