hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
