Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
