At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
