she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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