Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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