Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
