Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
