he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Holy sore nipples Batman
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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