you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I deserve this hangover.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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