summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
