I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
