Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
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