Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
