You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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