My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
