I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
