Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
