why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed