The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."