just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.