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I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
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