so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
