yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
