i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
