I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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