First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
