Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
