That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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