You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize