Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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