Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
