just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
