he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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