yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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